Happy Halloween!!

Happy Halloween to one and all...the best part about Halloween? The candy, durrr lol

Tonight I had a yummy dinner with my parents, Thanksgiving style. Turkey, potatoes, green beans, stuffing, jello, and of course gravy. Yum yum yum yum, I also went to Michael's (the craft store) and got some polymer clay stuff, and I made some nifty things I can make keychains or whatever out of!

So Friday I went to a Halloween party and it was totally last minute but I ended up getting a lot of compliments on my costume. A dead doll...I just made my face super pale, made my eyes appear bigger, false lashes, and a stiched mouth. Creeped some people out haha PERFECT! Then I wore a striped top and a denim dress, knee socks, and black flats. Oh and a long black wig in pigtail braids. I ended up taking the wig off it got too hot and itchy. I might make a tutorial on the look, but maybe I'll wait til next year! I love costumes whether or not it's Halloween!

Today I also went to Home Depot with my mom to pick up paint for the house. I helped her for the theme of the rooms, or colors I should say, so tommorow I might start on that! Well Friday night after I got home I noticed a painful bump on the apple of my cheek. I figured it was just an unruly pimple so I cleaned it, put a spot treatment on it and went to bed. Next day...it's still there, no help whatsoever, I do the spot treatment again, no makeup all day. No change...but one on my other cheek as came and gone. SO today, I try the spot treatment again, no makeup, and I'm thinking...OK this is ridiculous. So I try to squeeze it...nothing (sorry kinda gross), after lots of squeezing it's even more painful and I get nothing but some puss...yellowish...gross. I'm like wtf. After a minute or so it feels like I got punched in the face, and 5 minutes my face where it is is swollen, not like zit swollen, like hurts to smile, obviously noticable swollen. So I'm pretty sure this is a spider bite, must have gotten bit Friday. It still hurts and I'm taking Benedryl to TRY to help. It's red now, kinda infected, so I'm going to have to keep an eye on it.

Speaking of infected...Jazmine, my dog, has an infected TICK bite. Yes, my mom and I pulled a tick off of her yesterday. HUGE thing, I have no idea how long it was there, and the poor thing has an obvious hole where the little sucker buried his head, and some redness around the area. So I put Neosporin on it and she is also taking Benedryl. What is it with these bugs, can't they just leave us alone? Maybe we're just too sweet hahaha

So my face hurts, and it's almost time for more Benedryl...and for me to harvest my Frontierville crops...I'm excited to paint the upstairs hallway tommorow! And eat candy...

Candy Chocolate Kisses
-Stephanie

Changes

I hate relating everything back to the accident, but let's face it, something like that changes a person. Honestly. I'm not the same person I was before, and to be honest, I'm glad. Yes I loved who I was but I didn't always know who that person was. As crappy of an experience it is that I went through, am still going through, and will continue to face, I had a lot of time for self reflection. I'm ready for the next stage in my life, whatever, and where ever that may be.

YouTubing from Scratch!

So I thought deleting blogspot for this random email would be easy peasy...uhm no, this email address was linked to my YOUTUBE account and the account is COMPLETELY DELETED!!!! I have to make a new account, get new followers, friends, UGH Sad face...In other news, Ambien isn't doing it's job...I didnt sleep a wink last night...so frusterated...

I cant...I just...UGH

There are like...a MILLION things on my mind right now...WHY is it, that I think the most at night!? This blog is going to be...SOOOO random.. but I guess...I'm a random person.

INSOMNIA - Some people think, "wow, an insomniac, that's so cool, so you don't sleep at all?" No, I do sleep, but when I do sleep it's usually the result of exhaustion or a sleep aide. Without a sleep aide I will stay awake ALL night, wide awake, nothing to do but to sit here, think and blog. "Stephanie you need a hobby"...How many hobbies do I need? Painting, Makeup, Clay, Youtube, Blogging, oh and we can't forget those wonderful Zynga games. Yes Zynga, I would like to thank you for making these games...there must be some of you who are insomniacs too. Maybe I should just start a Vlog...confessions of an insomniac? haha oh..this is making me sound so angry..I'm not, but I just wish, maybe just one night, that I would be able to sleep like a normal person. Yep that's my insomnia rant...

HATE - Ok..I hate the word "hate"...there are very few instances that I can use the word and have a true feeling behind it...I won't name examples because that is just...not right. What I GREATLY DISLIKE is people who spread their hate around, like this parasitic disease, this monster that they unleash on the world. Some people just absolutely REFUSE to keep their hate to themselves. In my opinion there is NO reason for it at all! They fail to have the ability of an open mind, and a positive spirit...WHY do these people do this?

LIFE - I'm not sure how to even begin or end this...this could be long, this could be short, because I have to choose my words carefully...OK, I decided this is going to be long, but it's my thoughts that I'm typing, so it might not make sense, but I'll try the best that I can, because I type (or write) how I talk...soooo just bear that in mind. I used the topic "life" because there are real no specifics of this that I can think "oh yea, that's what this is about". Let's see...how to start...I am beginning to see that not everyone lives in a real world...what I mean is...a lot of people, that I have observed, have a false/warped/off-kilter sense of reality. I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, but life isn't always going to be sunshine and rainbows, not everything is going to be walking on easy street. People have to make sacrifices if they want to do something, follow a dream, etc. Making sacrifices isn't necessarily a bad thing. Take school, as an example, is college easy? Nope it sure isn't. You have to make sacrifices such as studying, expenses, papers, to finish it, but when you do, you feel accomplished and you are one step closer to your goals...this is just an example, but it can be applied to just about everything. When you decide what your goals are and what you want to do, stand firm, be certain, and go for it with everything you have. It might be uncomfortable, it might be downright a pain in your rear, but when you finish, you will look back and be proud, because you made those sacrifices to be where you are, and no one can take that away.
Here's some quotes to get you motivated....and to better explain what I'm saying!!

"The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want."

"Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets."

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets...So love the people who treat you right, and forget the ones that don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it"

The last quote is a favorite of mine...it's everything that I believe...and, well...everything I'm trying to say!

That's all I have, I poured out my heart, my soul, and now I need to let my mind rest. Enjoy every day, and please please don't forget to cherish every moment.

Much love from a tired, but very wide-awake pirate-captain-girl-puppy mom

I'll stop rambling...Goodnight

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes....

It was quite the eventful weekend...well for me..lately lol Let's see I haven't posted in a few days, so I'll just re cap... UHH
Ok Friday I hung out at home, went to dinner with my parents..at Carlos O' Kelly's and had some awesome fried ice cream (YUM)...painted on my houses a little..finished one of them..watched youtube videos..normal stuff
Saturday, my mom and I got our hair cut, the regular 6 week trim. I had her take an inch off, but I think it's just the length it was before..OH well, next time maybe (I was wanting it a little shorter), and she trimmed up my bangs! Yes, now I have straight across bangs, but since my hair is so thin it's kinda piecey, a cute look, I'm loving it. Then my mom and I went to the fabric store and Starbucks! THEN I went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter who was turning 2...SOOOO cute, so many cute clothes, and they had cupcakes!! It was good to see her and another friend there I hadn't seen in MONTHS. Got home, then went to dinner at Chillis this time, took Benedryl because my allergies were really bad and my breathing was starting to be off, so I crashed fairly early...OH and I carved pumpkins with a hot knife (not real pumpkins, foam ones) I added pictures to the top because I couldnt figure out how to put them after this..uughhhh
Alright so TODAY (Sunday) I wake up to my dogs barking loudly and out of control and I'm thinking what the french toast is going on!? So I go downstairs and my mom is outside with this random dog. So I go outside and apparently this poor dog was just hanging out in the middle of the road just looking around and chillin like a villian. He must have had quite the adventure because he was matted with mud, and burrs, and it looked pretty recent. So my mom walks up and down the street trying to find out if anyone knows who owns this dog. It had its rabies tag but the animal shelter was closed. Luckily a neighbor is a dispatcher and she called someone who could find out...so that guy calls the people and leaves a message. Got it so far? Lost dog, can't find the owner's house, called animal shelter, contacted owner. So the dog comes back to our house and we decide...this thing is too dirty and we give it a bath outside with the hose and the dog shampoo we had. He didn't like the bath, but he got nice and clean and towel dried off, a spa day for the pup. So after the bath my mom walks over to the golf course and asks if anyone knows who owns the dog, they say "oh yea that's Putter" (lives on a golf course, dog's name is Putter, cute!) So the owner is out of town but the guy who lives with the owner is there, he comes and picks up the dog, and it turns out to be the golf pro that taught my brother and I golf years and years ago! So Putter is back home, clean, and happy. What a day for him!
And what a day for me indeed, I did some walking with Putter and my ankle and hip hurts...I feel old haha. Anyway I also wanted to say I'm feeling a lot more optimistic lately, things seem within reach. Before they didn't at all...So it's a happy day, my dog son is laying next to me snoozing, he's so furry and warm. Think positive thoughts everyone! And remember...
No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, a dream that you wish, will come true!!
Doggie Dreams & Loves
XOXO

Optimism? Or something like that....

There is so much darkness and wrong in the world that it is literally heart/gut/mind wrenching! The amount of negative people out there is ridiculous. Negative attitudes, negative thoughts...and I'm not just talking about negative towards themselves OHHH NOOO, they are negative towards others too. Others who despite all the negativity coming at them from all different directions, they see the broader picture, and stay positive through it all. That's who I am, and I don't want to surround myself with negative people. Some of you are the worst kinds of negative because you yourself is a positive person but you bring others to a negative state of mind with your insults, and comments behind their back. Since when are we still in middle school. Grow up people, take the world in, take your life in, and enjoy it, embrace the people who care about you, and forget about the people who dont.
Loves & Reeses

Dog Personals

Ok, so be being the dork/crazy person that I am, I came up with personals for my dogs (ya know in case they ever need to be set up on a date *rolls eyes* lol) Hey everyone has their way of passing the time, and while I was painting my little houses, I thought of what they would say...Here it goes, my dogs' personal ads (from their point of view).

Jazmine - Hi I'm Jazmine Isabella!
Nicknames - Jazi, Jazi girl, Biscuity girl, Big woman, Medium brown, J-Girl, Princess Jazmine, Squeaker, Baby girl
I like to bark at things that move outside, they don't have to be a living being, just anything that moves. Grass, squirrels, people, leaves, poop, you get the idea. My mommy tells me that I'm a beautiful princess so that means that I am! I like to cuddle with my grandpa and keep his feet warm at night. I whimper a lot, my mommy says it sounds like a tea kettle. I whimper for no reason sometimes, sometimes it's because I want attention, or sometimes I have to go potty. I pee on my mommy's clothes when I'm mad at her, then I feel really bad about it and try to hide under the bed but I can only fit my nose under there. Mommy says I'm a big girl, but I think I'm a puppy. Mommy brought me into this world from some warm place along with 7 other puppies. Mommy has been there with me since day 1 and I didn't even have my eyes open. When the milk machine ran away, my mommy fed me and my other womb mates with a bottle. Mommy brought me home when I could eat puppy food, and then I met my brother, Jager. He was and still is very protective of me, even though I'm bigger than him now. I like to play with tennis balls and I can fit 2 in my mouth at one time. Grandma plays tennis with me a lot. I like to clean dirty dishes in the dish washer. I like to bark.

Jager - Hi I'm Jager Meister
Nicknames - Woofuns, J-Boy, Sir Dogguns of Wagginstail, Bitsy boy, Mr Barker, Woofy boy, Buddy boy, Bubba
I like to snuggle with mommy, grandma, grandpa, and uncle Stevie. I chew on my sister sometimes, but mostly I snooze. Lately I haven't left mommy's side much. Mommy rescued me from being a shop dog when I was only 5 weeks old. When I met Mommy, I was drinking water out of a hubcap and eating Subway scraps. I have allergies and have to get shots every month or so, I get special cheese a lot to make me not itchy, but boy it does make me sleepy. I like to sit at the table with everyone else while they eat. I like to give kisses too. I like to poop in tall grass so no one can watch me poop. I usually pee where my sister pees, I have to mark my territory. I am good at guarding the house, and I'm very protective of my family. Mommy tells me that I'm a handsome boy. I'm very proud of my collar and I don't like to go without it. I also like to wear hankerchiefs, they make me look handsome. My sister barks a lot and sometimes I check it out, but usually I just let her bark. Sometimes I wake up Grandpa at night when Jazi has to potty because she doesn't make a loud enough squeak for them to hear. I don't like baths. I like to cuddle...a lot.

A Pirate's Life For Me...

I started this blog a week or two ago, and it took me until now to write in it. Truth is, I don't like to talk about my personal business, but I think this will help me through everything I'm going through, have been through, and will face. A therapy, if you will...I'm seeking counsel in blogging.
I'm not going to go into the background of everything, because to me that's boring, I'm not trying to bore myself, I don't even know if anyone even will read this...and quite frankly, I don't care if anyone does, because I'm doing this for me, to get things out. I just need to put things out there instead of constantly holding them in, acting like everything is hunky dorey, when in reality it isn't.
I guess the first and most dire of my problems is depression. Since the accident, I have sunken into a deeper and deeper depression. Yes, I am on medication for it, and we (my doctor and I) are still trying to find the right dosage for that. Positive is what I am used to, but lately it seems so hard to be. But today, for the first time in a long time, I had a lovely reunion with my old pal, Motivation. As corny as that sounds it was a huge relief to finally have that feeling again of actually wanting to do something. I painted, today and yesterday, my Christmas village, it's been put off for a long time for one reason or another. Something I can look at for years to come and say "hey, I did that".
Another problem, that might be more obvious to people is my weight. Since the accident I have lost exactly 15 pounds. I was thin to begin with. I did not do this intentionally, although there will always be those people that try to come up with their own stories. With all the pain medications, depression medication, muscle relaxers, etc, etc, I have had zero appetite, and all in all, I've lost a lot of weight. I still don't have an appetite, I eat about one meal a day (usually dinner), and snack throughout the day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not starving myself, I DO snack, apples, pretzels, cereal, I just have to push myself to do so because I don't have the sensation of hunger at all. I've maintained my weight for awhile now, so I wont be losing anymore, but likely staying the same weight (unless I get some horrible flu, which would just be awful on top of the rest of the crap this year has handed me).
My dogs are my best friends, and my parents. I can't thank them enough for how much they've helped me through everything (my brother too). While every time I asked for help I felt like such a burden on them, they reassured me that I was not.
Things are getting better (I hope) I am considered an insomniac now, and we (again my doctor and I) are trying to find help for that as well. Since it's seemingly not related to my depression but rather a result of the trauma, it is harder to manage, but not impossible. Everything will get better with time. That's what I tell myself anyway. Well I'm off for today, my dog daughter is cuddling my leg, and it's incredibly hard to resist cuddling her back.

Lots of love, and doggie hugs - Stephanie (the pirate)

P.S. Why am I Stephanie the pirate? I myself am not a pirate (or am I? hahaha), my ancestors on the other hand were. Not all of them, but some :o)) I am also OBSESSED with pirates. I love them. If there is a movie with pirates, I don't care if they are good guys or bad guys, I will always root for the pirates!