Just Because

I feel the need to write, but I don't have a specific topic.

I've felt really antsy today and I don't know why, maybe the anxiety...probably. I've tried absolutely every one of my hobbies to try and get my mind occupied, but it still races like crazy. I barely ate anything today because my stomach has been so upset from everything on my mind. Not even things that make any sense, just everything in the world. I wish I could express in words how much I want to feel normal again, to be completely happy, and content. What happened to me?

My physician keeps bringing up going to a therapist each time I come to see him again for a followup, but I'm not interested. I have seen one before, was not comfortable with it. I don't see why I should tell a complete stranger my story just to get it out. It would takes months, maybe longer for all of these problems to surface. There are so many things I've faced. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I usually feel better after writing a blog, just because I can get my thoughts out.

My collarbone hurts a lot lately, I'm tired of dealing with the pain but I have no other choice. Why did this happen? I can't do anything but shake my head. I feel so angry when I think about it. There's no words.

I'm making graphics for my website. I'm really liking how they are turning out. I am going to promise myself to start modeling again after the first of the year. I can have some time to try to get better. Try being the key word, but I miss it a lot. I'm not ready to give it up but I get negative sometimes and think it's my only option. I don't know that I'll ever be able to wear heels again, or run a mile. My ankle will always be weak and that's the truth. Sure I could, but how much would I hurt afterwards?

Just a bad day for me I guess...I have those from time to time, I can't always be positive, although sometimes I feel like people are upset if I'm not.

Deep breaths and positive thoughts (trying anyway)