Call it poetry, call it random thoughts, call it bursts of emotions. What have you. But the truth is, it has no rhyme or reason, but it's what I feel.
I'm done.
With this place, with this time, with these people.
I need a change.
Complete renewal.
Of myself, of my life, of my being.
It's time to move.
The time is now.
A new year is coming.
This place is a dead end.
Nothing positive is here.
Bad memories at best.
I want to, no...HAVE to leave.
Now is the time.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
GAH!!
I haven't posted in a week...sooo I figured I'd write a blog since I CAN'T SLEEP, go figure eh? An insomniac? Who can't sleep, UNHEARD OF! Anyway..I uhm...yea...random thought time?
I'm crocheting a hat, a bear hat, with bear ears and ear flaps..it's going to be awesome...and I'll post a picture of it when I get it done, then I'm going to make mittens, bear mittens...yes
My brother graduates college tommorow FINALLY, I have to be up suuuper early (6:30) buuuut that's usually the time I go to sleep...I can't help it, my clock is all messed up. So I'm awake...after taking 2 sleep aides (don't worry doctor prescribed)..still wide awake. WHY...oh I'm just going to be a happy camper tommorow...PLUS PMS...bahaha TMI, I know, I don't care.
My pups are snoring. Well Jazmine is snoring, but they are both sleeping, next to me, in my bed. They are good bed heaters. They like to bury their noses when it's cold outside awww puppieeeees
I've been meaning to post a first vlog video on my youtube channel, and I'm going to have a separate blog for that channel to talk about random things. I don't remember if I mentioned it before but the channel is youtube.com/gobbledegookey. And the blog will be gobbledegookey.blogspot.com. Check it out (it's not made yet so don't really, but really check it out when it's made).
Graphics.
I want to sleep...
These are random thoughts if you haven't noticed...
Ok I'm done, maybe I'll make the gobbledegookey blog?
Peace & Love
I'm crocheting a hat, a bear hat, with bear ears and ear flaps..it's going to be awesome...and I'll post a picture of it when I get it done, then I'm going to make mittens, bear mittens...yes
My brother graduates college tommorow FINALLY, I have to be up suuuper early (6:30) buuuut that's usually the time I go to sleep...I can't help it, my clock is all messed up. So I'm awake...after taking 2 sleep aides (don't worry doctor prescribed)..still wide awake. WHY...oh I'm just going to be a happy camper tommorow...PLUS PMS...bahaha TMI, I know, I don't care.
My pups are snoring. Well Jazmine is snoring, but they are both sleeping, next to me, in my bed. They are good bed heaters. They like to bury their noses when it's cold outside awww puppieeeees
I've been meaning to post a first vlog video on my youtube channel, and I'm going to have a separate blog for that channel to talk about random things. I don't remember if I mentioned it before but the channel is youtube.com/gobbledegookey. And the blog will be gobbledegookey.blogspot.com. Check it out (it's not made yet so don't really, but really check it out when it's made).
Graphics.
I want to sleep...
These are random thoughts if you haven't noticed...
Ok I'm done, maybe I'll make the gobbledegookey blog?
Peace & Love
Friday, December 10, 2010
Yada yada yada
I have no subject...these are ramblings...and I mean RAMBLINGS...just random things that pop into my head with no rhyme or reason...but I'll be nice and space out the subjects...or try..HERE I GOOO
Ok I want to make random youtube videos, about random things. I love makeup but I don't want to do makeup tutorials because there's SO many people that do that YO. Might be cool to do...I'm going to do it. But I don't like my youtube username...but it's linked to my google account, that is linked to this. What the hell Google? Why can't you make things easy? I'm going to investigate into this matter further...
My dog is laying on my legs..she's heavy, warm, and snoring.
I really want to get up and get some milk...but again my dog is laying on my legs...she's such a cute babygirldogdeer, yes deer because she's huge..I think she's bigger than me...large.
Heffalumps and woozles.
Sunday is my mom's birthday..I need to get her a present.
These earphones hurt my ears.
IPod
I'm playing hangman right now with my friend D
I can't find my tripod..maybe it's under the pile of laundry I need to do tommorow? Where are you tripod!?
Any suggestions on my first youtube vlog/video/ramble. I want to have a subject to talk about...
I have the song Tiptoe Thru The Tulips in my head...never heard it? Check it out.
Ok that's all...my bedspread is leaves..I think I need to change seasons...waaaah
I don't like reality tv.
LOVE YALL PEACE!
Ok I want to make random youtube videos, about random things. I love makeup but I don't want to do makeup tutorials because there's SO many people that do that YO. Might be cool to do...I'm going to do it. But I don't like my youtube username...but it's linked to my google account, that is linked to this. What the hell Google? Why can't you make things easy? I'm going to investigate into this matter further...
My dog is laying on my legs..she's heavy, warm, and snoring.
I really want to get up and get some milk...but again my dog is laying on my legs...she's such a cute babygirldogdeer, yes deer because she's huge..I think she's bigger than me...large.
Heffalumps and woozles.
Sunday is my mom's birthday..I need to get her a present.
These earphones hurt my ears.
IPod
I'm playing hangman right now with my friend D
I can't find my tripod..maybe it's under the pile of laundry I need to do tommorow? Where are you tripod!?
Any suggestions on my first youtube vlog/video/ramble. I want to have a subject to talk about...
I have the song Tiptoe Thru The Tulips in my head...never heard it? Check it out.
Ok that's all...my bedspread is leaves..I think I need to change seasons...waaaah
I don't like reality tv.
LOVE YALL PEACE!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Pet Peeves
I've been meaning to make this for a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time, so here it is...my list of pet peeves.
I get asked this question a lot and I always say that I need to make a list. So I'm going to, with commentary...and I'll probably come across as a bitch, but...these are my pet peeves a.k.a. things that really annoy me..In no particular order...here goes..
- Loud eaters - I really really really REEAALLLY hate listening to someone eat. Loudly. Smack smack smack mmm yummm hmmmm mmmmm It's enough for me to lose my appetite, it's probably my least favorite thing ever.
- Girls who scream at random times in public - Really? I know you missed your friend but you act like she was just rescued from a deserted island or came back from the dead. It's not necessary...really it isn't.
- Girls who dress like tramps - Sweetie...while it may get his attention, it wont get you a husband.
- Bad breath - Just brush your damn teeth...gum, mint, something.
- Bad drivers - Do NOT pull out in front of me, drive 20 miles under the speed limit, or honk for no apparent reason..you will get the finger.
- Anger for no apparent reason - People who are just angry, for no reason at all, should really reevaluate their life. Is it really that bad that your rebate is mail in instead of immediate? Do you have to call management and make me wait in line for another 20 minutes....NO they aren't going to accept a blank check from someone who isn't you no matter how much you argue....Really? You're mad because you aren't 21 and trying to buy alcohol? I could go on and on...
- Talking about inappropriate things while eating - I HATE POOP
- Girls who wear makeup that's too dark - really...I know you want to be tan but you look like a clown with that makeup line.
- Guys who try to grow beards but they cant... - I know you're a man, and maybe you look like a little boy without facial hair, but when you try to grow a beard or mustache and it grows in patchy, you don't look like a man, you look like a serial killer.
- Girls who claim they are models who clearly aren't - This might just be a model thing...but those of us who are, and have gotten paid work, and work HARD, get a little annoyed when girls take pictures in the mirror and post it in a folder they call Modeling or Portfolio...Don't kid yourself sweetie, those are myspace photos.
- People who don't flush the toilet after they use it.... - Is it really that hard to push a handle...are you in that much of a hurry? Use a diaper next time..
- Closeminded people - Don't argue with me when you don't know what the hell you are talking about and completely dismiss any other opinions that are different from your own.
- People who walk down the middle of a parking lot - Like right down the center of the lane...when people are trying to park. I will run you down.
- Bad Spellers - I have a thing with bad spelling...I mean significantly bad spelling...I will correct you, and then you will think I'm a bitch.
- Bad grammar - Using the wrong case of your and you're, or there, they're, their.
- Texting errors - This isn't hard to explain...just write out the word... U = you, whut = what, probs or prly = probably, OR people who just send a text message with one letter "k"
This will be added to....I just can't think of anymore that stand out right now
LOVE
I get asked this question a lot and I always say that I need to make a list. So I'm going to, with commentary...and I'll probably come across as a bitch, but...these are my pet peeves a.k.a. things that really annoy me..In no particular order...here goes..
- Loud eaters - I really really really REEAALLLY hate listening to someone eat. Loudly. Smack smack smack mmm yummm hmmmm mmmmm It's enough for me to lose my appetite, it's probably my least favorite thing ever.
- Girls who scream at random times in public - Really? I know you missed your friend but you act like she was just rescued from a deserted island or came back from the dead. It's not necessary...really it isn't.
- Girls who dress like tramps - Sweetie...while it may get his attention, it wont get you a husband.
- Bad breath - Just brush your damn teeth...gum, mint, something.
- Bad drivers - Do NOT pull out in front of me, drive 20 miles under the speed limit, or honk for no apparent reason..you will get the finger.
- Anger for no apparent reason - People who are just angry, for no reason at all, should really reevaluate their life. Is it really that bad that your rebate is mail in instead of immediate? Do you have to call management and make me wait in line for another 20 minutes....NO they aren't going to accept a blank check from someone who isn't you no matter how much you argue....Really? You're mad because you aren't 21 and trying to buy alcohol? I could go on and on...
- Talking about inappropriate things while eating - I HATE POOP
- Girls who wear makeup that's too dark - really...I know you want to be tan but you look like a clown with that makeup line.
- Guys who try to grow beards but they cant... - I know you're a man, and maybe you look like a little boy without facial hair, but when you try to grow a beard or mustache and it grows in patchy, you don't look like a man, you look like a serial killer.
- Girls who claim they are models who clearly aren't - This might just be a model thing...but those of us who are, and have gotten paid work, and work HARD, get a little annoyed when girls take pictures in the mirror and post it in a folder they call Modeling or Portfolio...Don't kid yourself sweetie, those are myspace photos.
- People who don't flush the toilet after they use it.... - Is it really that hard to push a handle...are you in that much of a hurry? Use a diaper next time..
- Closeminded people - Don't argue with me when you don't know what the hell you are talking about and completely dismiss any other opinions that are different from your own.
- People who walk down the middle of a parking lot - Like right down the center of the lane...when people are trying to park. I will run you down.
- Bad Spellers - I have a thing with bad spelling...I mean significantly bad spelling...I will correct you, and then you will think I'm a bitch.
- Bad grammar - Using the wrong case of your and you're, or there, they're, their.
- Texting errors - This isn't hard to explain...just write out the word... U = you, whut = what, probs or prly = probably, OR people who just send a text message with one letter "k"
This will be added to....I just can't think of anymore that stand out right now
LOVE
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Christmas Time Is Here!
I have been inspired to make a Christmas list. I have a wishlist on Amazon.com. But it's very lengthy and random (thank you Ambien for letting me add pirate things to my Amazon.com wishlist). Anywho, thought I would post here since the people who ask for it have this address. And anyone who wants to get me something WINK WINK...lol Ok so here it is...prepare for old lady..YAY
BOOKS
Fragments: Poems, Letters, Intimate Notes – Marilyn Monroe
Full Dark, No Stars – Stephen King
Family Secrets: The Case That Crippled the Chicago Mob – Jeff Coen
For The Sins of My Father: The Legacy of a Mafia Life – Albert DeMeo
The First Family: Terror, Extortion, Revenge, Murder and the Birth of the American Mafia – Mike Dash
The Last Godfathers: Inside the Mafia’s Most Infamous Family – John Follain
MOVIES
Goodfellas
Hangover
Brooklyn’s Finest
The Untouchables
Band of Brothers series
CRAFT
Polymer clay, any and all colors
Size H crocheting needle
Yarn (something cool beans)
Jewelry findings
OTHER
Grey knee high flat boots
Daisy by Marc Jacobs Perfume
Starbucks Gift Card
Borders or Barnes & Noble Gift Card
Michael's Gift Card
Gloria Jean’s S’Mores Coffee (Whole Bean)
Gloria Jean’s German Chocolate Cake Coffee (Whole Bean)
BOOKS
Fragments: Poems, Letters, Intimate Notes – Marilyn Monroe
Full Dark, No Stars – Stephen King
Family Secrets: The Case That Crippled the Chicago Mob – Jeff Coen
For The Sins of My Father: The Legacy of a Mafia Life – Albert DeMeo
The First Family: Terror, Extortion, Revenge, Murder and the Birth of the American Mafia – Mike Dash
The Last Godfathers: Inside the Mafia’s Most Infamous Family – John Follain
MOVIES
Goodfellas
Hangover
Brooklyn’s Finest
The Untouchables
Band of Brothers series
CRAFT
Polymer clay, any and all colors
Size H crocheting needle
Yarn (something cool beans)
Jewelry findings
OTHER
Grey knee high flat boots
Daisy by Marc Jacobs Perfume
Starbucks Gift Card
Borders or Barnes & Noble Gift Card
Michael's Gift Card
Gloria Jean’s S’Mores Coffee (Whole Bean)
Gloria Jean’s German Chocolate Cake Coffee (Whole Bean)
Friday, November 26, 2010
Blahblahblah
Another nighttime/middle of the night update...WOOHOO
Ok so, obviously, insomnia is still lurking...but depression seems to be getting better. I think I can thank a little friend I like to call coffee for that one. Yes I know I know I know it's unhealthy to drink a lot of coffee, but if it works, it works. In other news on Tuesday I had my hair cut off again. It's a bob now...I love it, and I want to keep it short.
I really don't have much to write about. I've been steering clear of the people that are negative. Oh I guess I can vent about something...and I really don't care if this girl sees this, hates me, comments this...bring it on.
So for my parent's anniversary (November 10), my dad was sick, so they didn't get to go out to dinner like they had originally planned. So my mom and I decided to go to a mexican restaurant, have a margarita or beer, and just chillax and enjoy the evening. Well we get there, mom had a mega beer I had a margarita, and this girl whom I used to be friends with texts me to ask why I've been ignoring her...so I respond that I rarely have my phone on me or around me, I'm not ignoring anyone just staying away from the drama. So we text back and forth for a few then my mom asks me to ask her to join us, so I did, and 15 min or so later she shows up. My mom offers to buy her a daqueri, ok. Well we talk about how I'm doing for a few seconds, then (of course) the conversation is focused on her. Then my mom and I start joking about the medications that I'm on (ALL OF WHICH ARE PRESCRIBED TO ME AND THINGS THAT I NEED), so my mom gets up and goes to the bathroom, this girl keeps talking about it, yada yada I'm joking around. We say our goodbyes, all is well whatever. The next day I get this text about how it was so great to see my mom and me and she missed us and bla bla, so I'm like wow maybe she's grown as a person. Next message I get is "so can I have a few of your Vicoden".... I'm thinking what the F***, the audacity...so I say "Are you serious? No, I'm all out" or something to that extent (I'm not going to give out pills that I need to someone who wants to abuse them!!!) So she doesn't respond....like at all, nothing. It's like a week or so later, I get a text at like 2:30 in the morning from this girl asking if I had slept with some random person I've never even heard of...WHAT THE FUCK I said, absolutely not, who is this person and why are you even asking me this. She just responds with "Ok". Haven't heard from her since. True story, I'm outraged, I tell my mom about it, and she agrees that I should cut ties with her, she's been a problem for awhile...I guess I just didn't want to see it. So in short, I'm done with her, and anyone like her. I have no interest in ever seeing her again.
That's my rant about snotty bitches that I can't stand (well one in general) *rolls eyes*
I'll go off on another tangent later...but for now I'm done.
Thanksbai
Ok so, obviously, insomnia is still lurking...but depression seems to be getting better. I think I can thank a little friend I like to call coffee for that one. Yes I know I know I know it's unhealthy to drink a lot of coffee, but if it works, it works. In other news on Tuesday I had my hair cut off again. It's a bob now...I love it, and I want to keep it short.
I really don't have much to write about. I've been steering clear of the people that are negative. Oh I guess I can vent about something...and I really don't care if this girl sees this, hates me, comments this...bring it on.
So for my parent's anniversary (November 10), my dad was sick, so they didn't get to go out to dinner like they had originally planned. So my mom and I decided to go to a mexican restaurant, have a margarita or beer, and just chillax and enjoy the evening. Well we get there, mom had a mega beer I had a margarita, and this girl whom I used to be friends with texts me to ask why I've been ignoring her...so I respond that I rarely have my phone on me or around me, I'm not ignoring anyone just staying away from the drama. So we text back and forth for a few then my mom asks me to ask her to join us, so I did, and 15 min or so later she shows up. My mom offers to buy her a daqueri, ok. Well we talk about how I'm doing for a few seconds, then (of course) the conversation is focused on her. Then my mom and I start joking about the medications that I'm on (ALL OF WHICH ARE PRESCRIBED TO ME AND THINGS THAT I NEED), so my mom gets up and goes to the bathroom, this girl keeps talking about it, yada yada I'm joking around. We say our goodbyes, all is well whatever. The next day I get this text about how it was so great to see my mom and me and she missed us and bla bla, so I'm like wow maybe she's grown as a person. Next message I get is "so can I have a few of your Vicoden".... I'm thinking what the F***, the audacity...so I say "Are you serious? No, I'm all out" or something to that extent (I'm not going to give out pills that I need to someone who wants to abuse them!!!) So she doesn't respond....like at all, nothing. It's like a week or so later, I get a text at like 2:30 in the morning from this girl asking if I had slept with some random person I've never even heard of...WHAT THE FUCK I said, absolutely not, who is this person and why are you even asking me this. She just responds with "Ok". Haven't heard from her since. True story, I'm outraged, I tell my mom about it, and she agrees that I should cut ties with her, she's been a problem for awhile...I guess I just didn't want to see it. So in short, I'm done with her, and anyone like her. I have no interest in ever seeing her again.
That's my rant about snotty bitches that I can't stand (well one in general) *rolls eyes*
I'll go off on another tangent later...but for now I'm done.
Thanksbai
Friday, November 19, 2010
Just One Of Those Nights...
So I'm feeling particularly down tonight...I think it's loneliness more than anything. My life has changed dramatically since May...and I think it's normal to have down days when everything that has happened, happened. I can't even begin to put into words. Maybe I should try poetry? I don't remember much about poetry from college...it's been years since I took those courses. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme...does it even have to make sense? I'll try something....read on...
The beauty within does not reflect the image in the mirror
I can't help but think to myself "Why"
None of the pieces in the puzzle seem to match
None of this makes sense
Alright, maybe that sucks...I'm better at just being totally up front about things. I have nothing to hide...so why am I so reluctant to talk about things? My mind is constantly going, but I don't always put it into words. It would help I'm sure.
Well Saturday I'm going to get my hair cut. A trim, but I'm going shorter, an angled bob. It seems like I don't want any part of what was past. Who I was before May is not at all who I am now. It seems distant, like a past life. And in reality...it is. Never had I ever imagined this, or where I am. Everything has changed. Everything.
If I painted a picture to express my feelings inside it would be dark. Yes, I suffer from depression, yes it's severe. Am I going to hurt myself? No, but it doesn't make it any easier to face. People's opinions mean nothing to me now, and for that I am happy. I can finally live for myself, do what I enjoy, dress how I want, etc. There's too many people in this world who do things because they think it's how someone else would do something, or how someone else acts. Why live to please others? It's your life. Everyone is entitled to their own.
I know my blogs ramble a lot but the idea is to get thoughts out of my head, so I can sleep...maybe. Part of being an insomniac is having an overactive mind. I'm always thinking, I can't stop moving while I'm awake, and when I'm asleep, my dreams are vivid, strange. The mind doesn't stop. I need a mental break, to think about nothing at all, and relax. I wish that were easy or possible even. When I put my computer down, or whatever it is that I'm working on, I think about what I need to do, or what I could be doing, or what what what what. I can't just sit and think about nothing at all, and relax. It's so frustrating. Lately the Ambien hasn't been helping much. Sure I can fall asleep...after awhile...but I sleep for 3 or 4 hours then I'm up again. I don't really know what to do. My doctor keeps bringing up a counselor everytime I go to him, but I don't want to talk to a complete stranger about my life, what I've been through... So I confide in my blog, and a few close friends to talk about things with. It helps when I do.
Thank you to those who have listened to my troubles, I truly appreciate it. I can't help but to feel guilty when I have a down day, because I don't want to be one of those people who others label as negative. I guess it's only human. Just something else I need to work on.
Well it's off to rest my brain...or attempt..
I got nothin...Night
The beauty within does not reflect the image in the mirror
I can't help but think to myself "Why"
None of the pieces in the puzzle seem to match
None of this makes sense
Alright, maybe that sucks...I'm better at just being totally up front about things. I have nothing to hide...so why am I so reluctant to talk about things? My mind is constantly going, but I don't always put it into words. It would help I'm sure.
Well Saturday I'm going to get my hair cut. A trim, but I'm going shorter, an angled bob. It seems like I don't want any part of what was past. Who I was before May is not at all who I am now. It seems distant, like a past life. And in reality...it is. Never had I ever imagined this, or where I am. Everything has changed. Everything.
If I painted a picture to express my feelings inside it would be dark. Yes, I suffer from depression, yes it's severe. Am I going to hurt myself? No, but it doesn't make it any easier to face. People's opinions mean nothing to me now, and for that I am happy. I can finally live for myself, do what I enjoy, dress how I want, etc. There's too many people in this world who do things because they think it's how someone else would do something, or how someone else acts. Why live to please others? It's your life. Everyone is entitled to their own.
I know my blogs ramble a lot but the idea is to get thoughts out of my head, so I can sleep...maybe. Part of being an insomniac is having an overactive mind. I'm always thinking, I can't stop moving while I'm awake, and when I'm asleep, my dreams are vivid, strange. The mind doesn't stop. I need a mental break, to think about nothing at all, and relax. I wish that were easy or possible even. When I put my computer down, or whatever it is that I'm working on, I think about what I need to do, or what I could be doing, or what what what what. I can't just sit and think about nothing at all, and relax. It's so frustrating. Lately the Ambien hasn't been helping much. Sure I can fall asleep...after awhile...but I sleep for 3 or 4 hours then I'm up again. I don't really know what to do. My doctor keeps bringing up a counselor everytime I go to him, but I don't want to talk to a complete stranger about my life, what I've been through... So I confide in my blog, and a few close friends to talk about things with. It helps when I do.
Thank you to those who have listened to my troubles, I truly appreciate it. I can't help but to feel guilty when I have a down day, because I don't want to be one of those people who others label as negative. I guess it's only human. Just something else I need to work on.
Well it's off to rest my brain...or attempt..
I got nothin...Night
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Disjointed
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Headache
ARGH... all day long I've had a headache that I can't get rid of! I hope my trip to the chiropractor tommorow will help that...
Right now I'm sitting in bed, with a snoring dog plastered to my side. Dogs are absolutely amazing, and they're probably the closest thing a person can get to unconditional love. It's great to know when things are going bad, or hope seems lost, that I have 2 furry dog children that will love me no matter what. They are what get me through the worst of days.
So my sleep pattern is still way off. At 1 :30 in the morning I'm not the least bit tired, and I wake up around 9 regardless of what time I get to bed. I guess if my body is working properly, I can't complain...My collarbone still bothers me daily..I'm coming to terms with the fact that it will likely be a constant problem. I want so much to be able to model again, but when I have days where I feel freshly broken it seems so out of reach. But I can't let pain hold me back from what I am passionate about.
I keep telling myself that I'm going to make a video to post on youtube, every day I say "oh I'll do that tommorow". Then it comes to be 1:30 in the morning and I'm like "oh crap". I want to but I still can't find the motivation sometimes. It's frusterating after everything. I keep contemplating the what if's and I know I can't do that, because the past is the past, everything I've been through has happened for a reason, and there's nothing I can change but the future. I found a really cool dream website the other night and with it had a free tarot card reading. It said not to look too much into it, just for entertainment, but it was actually fairly accurate. I was impressed.
Another one of my passions is graphics. I love creating things from scratch and seeing them come to life. Today I made/finished a graphic for a music website in Canada for t-shirts. It may be something constant as I was asked to make another design. This is the kind of release, break, business I've been waiting for, needing. It would be amazing if I could do graphics as more that just a part time thing. To have a constant flow of work in this economy would be great. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but won't get my hopes up either. I had a graphics company name, Atropos Design, but I want something different that reflects who I am, what I do, and what I've been through. I'm thinking on it, but hope to come up with something soon. Well I've rambled for long enough tonight. It's time for me to...maybe try to sleep?
Fuzzy Snoring Doggy Kisses
Right now I'm sitting in bed, with a snoring dog plastered to my side. Dogs are absolutely amazing, and they're probably the closest thing a person can get to unconditional love. It's great to know when things are going bad, or hope seems lost, that I have 2 furry dog children that will love me no matter what. They are what get me through the worst of days.
So my sleep pattern is still way off. At 1 :30 in the morning I'm not the least bit tired, and I wake up around 9 regardless of what time I get to bed. I guess if my body is working properly, I can't complain...My collarbone still bothers me daily..I'm coming to terms with the fact that it will likely be a constant problem. I want so much to be able to model again, but when I have days where I feel freshly broken it seems so out of reach. But I can't let pain hold me back from what I am passionate about.
I keep telling myself that I'm going to make a video to post on youtube, every day I say "oh I'll do that tommorow". Then it comes to be 1:30 in the morning and I'm like "oh crap". I want to but I still can't find the motivation sometimes. It's frusterating after everything. I keep contemplating the what if's and I know I can't do that, because the past is the past, everything I've been through has happened for a reason, and there's nothing I can change but the future. I found a really cool dream website the other night and with it had a free tarot card reading. It said not to look too much into it, just for entertainment, but it was actually fairly accurate. I was impressed.
Another one of my passions is graphics. I love creating things from scratch and seeing them come to life. Today I made/finished a graphic for a music website in Canada for t-shirts. It may be something constant as I was asked to make another design. This is the kind of release, break, business I've been waiting for, needing. It would be amazing if I could do graphics as more that just a part time thing. To have a constant flow of work in this economy would be great. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but won't get my hopes up either. I had a graphics company name, Atropos Design, but I want something different that reflects who I am, what I do, and what I've been through. I'm thinking on it, but hope to come up with something soon. Well I've rambled for long enough tonight. It's time for me to...maybe try to sleep?
Fuzzy Snoring Doggy Kisses
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Taggerooni
Well, I want to do a YouTube tag video....and I intend on doing it this weekend but I have the questions right here, and I figured I would answer them....might as well! It's 17 Questions...
So this is my blog post for the evening :o)
Questions
1. How did you get your youtube user name?
My username was one of those middle of the night decisions. I deleted my account on Blogspot because I didn't use it (not this one), little did I know that also would delete my youtube account. So I had to think fast on what I wanted the new one to be. LipglossNDiamonds...two of my favorite things...and so my youtube username was born.
2. If you could change your name to anything, what would it be and why?
I don't think I would change my name...no reason to. This is what I've always gone by.
3. If you could go back in time and give your younger self advice, what would it be and why?
Cherish Every Moment
4. How old were you when you first learned to blow a bubblegum bubble?
I don't remember...I want to say 5 or 6? Where I can't exactly recall!
5. What did you want to be when you were little?
Ariel (in preschool), a fashion designer, a litigator, and a counselor...I ended up getting my degree in the last two! (Criminal Justice & Psychology)
6. What do you order at starbucks?
Peppermint Mocha or White Chocolate Mocha
7. What's the hardest you ever laughed?
The most recent hard laugh that I remember was when I was still in a wheelchair and we were going out for dinner and I put a poncho on my dog Jazmine. She was sitting all pretty when something caused her to want to get up and run and her foot caught on the poncho and she fell face first onto the floor. I couldn't stop laughing as bad as I felt because that was the first time I had laughed in a long time.
8. If you could play any musical instrument, which would it be and why?
The violin. I don't know why but I've always wanted to play the violin, I think it's a beautiful instrument.
9. What's your favorite thing to do when your upset?
When I'm upset I like to watch Disney movies, and snuggle with my dogs. They are my babies and my best friends.
10. What's your favorite movie?
The Nightmare Before Christmas & Godfather Part II
11. What's one food you can not live without?
Chocolate....there is no way I could ever do without...OMG so good lol
12. What's your favorite dessert?
Chocolate? lol
13. Favorite pizza topping?
Sausage...but I don't really eat pizza all that much. It's usually too greasy for my taste.
14. Would you rather have the superpower to read minds, or the superpower to be invisible?
I would be invisible because honestly, I don't really care what people think.
15. What did you do for your last birthday?
For my quarter of a century birthday, I had dinner at a steakhouse with my family and a couple close friends at the time.
16. If you had one personal "selfish" wish, what would it be and why?
I would wish to have my grandma back. I miss her so much and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I know she's watching over me and my family.
17. What does OMGHHKP mean to you?
Ok...I looked this up on google and apparently some beauty guru on Youtube made it up? I don't know what it means but I say.... OMGWTFBBQ!
So this is my blog post for the evening :o)
Questions
1. How did you get your youtube user name?
My username was one of those middle of the night decisions. I deleted my account on Blogspot because I didn't use it (not this one), little did I know that also would delete my youtube account. So I had to think fast on what I wanted the new one to be. LipglossNDiamonds...two of my favorite things...and so my youtube username was born.
2. If you could change your name to anything, what would it be and why?
I don't think I would change my name...no reason to. This is what I've always gone by.
3. If you could go back in time and give your younger self advice, what would it be and why?
Cherish Every Moment
4. How old were you when you first learned to blow a bubblegum bubble?
I don't remember...I want to say 5 or 6? Where I can't exactly recall!
5. What did you want to be when you were little?
Ariel (in preschool), a fashion designer, a litigator, and a counselor...I ended up getting my degree in the last two! (Criminal Justice & Psychology)
6. What do you order at starbucks?
Peppermint Mocha or White Chocolate Mocha
7. What's the hardest you ever laughed?
The most recent hard laugh that I remember was when I was still in a wheelchair and we were going out for dinner and I put a poncho on my dog Jazmine. She was sitting all pretty when something caused her to want to get up and run and her foot caught on the poncho and she fell face first onto the floor. I couldn't stop laughing as bad as I felt because that was the first time I had laughed in a long time.
8. If you could play any musical instrument, which would it be and why?
The violin. I don't know why but I've always wanted to play the violin, I think it's a beautiful instrument.
9. What's your favorite thing to do when your upset?
When I'm upset I like to watch Disney movies, and snuggle with my dogs. They are my babies and my best friends.
10. What's your favorite movie?
The Nightmare Before Christmas & Godfather Part II
11. What's one food you can not live without?
Chocolate....there is no way I could ever do without...OMG so good lol
12. What's your favorite dessert?
Chocolate? lol
13. Favorite pizza topping?
Sausage...but I don't really eat pizza all that much. It's usually too greasy for my taste.
14. Would you rather have the superpower to read minds, or the superpower to be invisible?
I would be invisible because honestly, I don't really care what people think.
15. What did you do for your last birthday?
For my quarter of a century birthday, I had dinner at a steakhouse with my family and a couple close friends at the time.
16. If you had one personal "selfish" wish, what would it be and why?
I would wish to have my grandma back. I miss her so much and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I know she's watching over me and my family.
17. What does OMGHHKP mean to you?
Ok...I looked this up on google and apparently some beauty guru on Youtube made it up? I don't know what it means but I say.... OMGWTFBBQ!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Just Because
I feel the need to write, but I don't have a specific topic.
I've felt really antsy today and I don't know why, maybe the anxiety...probably. I've tried absolutely every one of my hobbies to try and get my mind occupied, but it still races like crazy. I barely ate anything today because my stomach has been so upset from everything on my mind. Not even things that make any sense, just everything in the world. I wish I could express in words how much I want to feel normal again, to be completely happy, and content. What happened to me?
My physician keeps bringing up going to a therapist each time I come to see him again for a followup, but I'm not interested. I have seen one before, was not comfortable with it. I don't see why I should tell a complete stranger my story just to get it out. It would takes months, maybe longer for all of these problems to surface. There are so many things I've faced. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I usually feel better after writing a blog, just because I can get my thoughts out.
My collarbone hurts a lot lately, I'm tired of dealing with the pain but I have no other choice. Why did this happen? I can't do anything but shake my head. I feel so angry when I think about it. There's no words.
I'm making graphics for my website. I'm really liking how they are turning out. I am going to promise myself to start modeling again after the first of the year. I can have some time to try to get better. Try being the key word, but I miss it a lot. I'm not ready to give it up but I get negative sometimes and think it's my only option. I don't know that I'll ever be able to wear heels again, or run a mile. My ankle will always be weak and that's the truth. Sure I could, but how much would I hurt afterwards?
Just a bad day for me I guess...I have those from time to time, I can't always be positive, although sometimes I feel like people are upset if I'm not.
Deep breaths and positive thoughts (trying anyway)
I've felt really antsy today and I don't know why, maybe the anxiety...probably. I've tried absolutely every one of my hobbies to try and get my mind occupied, but it still races like crazy. I barely ate anything today because my stomach has been so upset from everything on my mind. Not even things that make any sense, just everything in the world. I wish I could express in words how much I want to feel normal again, to be completely happy, and content. What happened to me?
My physician keeps bringing up going to a therapist each time I come to see him again for a followup, but I'm not interested. I have seen one before, was not comfortable with it. I don't see why I should tell a complete stranger my story just to get it out. It would takes months, maybe longer for all of these problems to surface. There are so many things I've faced. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I usually feel better after writing a blog, just because I can get my thoughts out.
My collarbone hurts a lot lately, I'm tired of dealing with the pain but I have no other choice. Why did this happen? I can't do anything but shake my head. I feel so angry when I think about it. There's no words.
I'm making graphics for my website. I'm really liking how they are turning out. I am going to promise myself to start modeling again after the first of the year. I can have some time to try to get better. Try being the key word, but I miss it a lot. I'm not ready to give it up but I get negative sometimes and think it's my only option. I don't know that I'll ever be able to wear heels again, or run a mile. My ankle will always be weak and that's the truth. Sure I could, but how much would I hurt afterwards?
Just a bad day for me I guess...I have those from time to time, I can't always be positive, although sometimes I feel like people are upset if I'm not.
Deep breaths and positive thoughts (trying anyway)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Where Has The Year Gone?
It's kind of hard for me to believe that it is already November. It seems like it should still be summer. I missed out on summer this year, and it sucks that I won't get that time back. I'm so tired of the waiting for healing, it's been over 5 months, and almost 4 months since surgery. I still have problems daily, and I know it takes time but I feel so impatient, that I'm missing out on things. It's so frusterating!
I'm in the process of cleaning my bedroom, I have a lot of laundry to do, I seem to get behind on that a lot! I'm also painting the upstairs hallway and stairwell. The color is called "crisp autumn leaves" it's a really pretty brick red with some orange tone. It looks amazing, I love the color! This weekend will hopefully be the trim upstairs then on to the next room. My parents' house has white walls in virtually every room, it's time to change it up and get with the times haha.
Tonight I'm hopefully going to go see Due Date with Mary at midnight. We are both in need of a good laugh. I am so excited that this movie is finally coming out, I think it will be hilarious!
I'm still having the not-so-wonderful insomnia problem. I would like one night where I can fall asleep by myself at a reasonable time. It throws everything off, and I don't like it at all! Hopefully it will get better soon, but I'm sure, like everything else, it will also take time. I don't see the physician again about it under after the first of the year. Can't believe it's so close...here's to 2011 being a much much better year.
Peppermint Mocha kisses XOXO
I'm in the process of cleaning my bedroom, I have a lot of laundry to do, I seem to get behind on that a lot! I'm also painting the upstairs hallway and stairwell. The color is called "crisp autumn leaves" it's a really pretty brick red with some orange tone. It looks amazing, I love the color! This weekend will hopefully be the trim upstairs then on to the next room. My parents' house has white walls in virtually every room, it's time to change it up and get with the times haha.
Tonight I'm hopefully going to go see Due Date with Mary at midnight. We are both in need of a good laugh. I am so excited that this movie is finally coming out, I think it will be hilarious!
I'm still having the not-so-wonderful insomnia problem. I would like one night where I can fall asleep by myself at a reasonable time. It throws everything off, and I don't like it at all! Hopefully it will get better soon, but I'm sure, like everything else, it will also take time. I don't see the physician again about it under after the first of the year. Can't believe it's so close...here's to 2011 being a much much better year.
Peppermint Mocha kisses XOXO
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Painted
Sooo today...this will be short, I thinks...I hope!
I had a good snooze last night and I got up bright and early yo paint the landing in the upstairs hallway. The color is amazing, and it's fun to start the long needed house makeover. And the other paint swatches are decided for the main level. And the stairway and upstairs hallway wil be recarpeted, and we have a swatch for that too. The finished product with be incredible. My mom can finally have a house that she is proud of. I'm trying to enstill my knowledge (well obsession) with organizing into their lovely hearts. Hmmm I need parent treats "that's a good girl mommy, you put that back in the sink" "good boy daddy, you threw out the garbage pile in your truck...goooooood"
I'm working on invites for thanksgiving, this wil be a wonderful gathering!
I'm in the process of putting together for makeup artistry, and if I could have my polymer clay charms included in this... I thought a name like "Charming"
I dont know, I'll have to keep brainstorming,
I had a good snooze last night and I got up bright and early yo paint the landing in the upstairs hallway. The color is amazing, and it's fun to start the long needed house makeover. And the other paint swatches are decided for the main level. And the stairway and upstairs hallway wil be recarpeted, and we have a swatch for that too. The finished product with be incredible. My mom can finally have a house that she is proud of. I'm trying to enstill my knowledge (well obsession) with organizing into their lovely hearts. Hmmm I need parent treats "that's a good girl mommy, you put that back in the sink" "good boy daddy, you threw out the garbage pile in your truck...goooooood"
I'm working on invites for thanksgiving, this wil be a wonderful gathering!
I'm in the process of putting together for makeup artistry, and if I could have my polymer clay charms included in this... I thought a name like "Charming"
I dont know, I'll have to keep brainstorming,
Monday, November 1, 2010
Hair In Training..
Ok, first off, I have a beauty blog, but I figured I would post this here because the other one currently has nothing in it. (lipglossndiamonds.blogspot.com)...
How to train your hair: A solution to oily hair.
So, I thought I would share this wonderful information since it does work and has been helpful to me thus far. Training your hair does not mean training the part in your hair, it means training it to produce less oil. Not everyone has this problem, but I was one of the many who did. In order to train your hair, you will have to deal with some greasiness for about 2 weeks. Heres how:
Since your scalp produces oil, shampooing your hair will maintain that level of oil production. In order to lessen the production of oil on top of your noggin, you need to train it. How? Don't wash your hair, for about 3 days at a time. This will be uncomfortable at first, and just a gross yuck. It's better to do this when you have nothing going on that's too important to look nice for. This does not mean don't shower/bathe. You should still bathe, no one wants to be around a stinky person. Just don't wash your hair. Use a shower cap, and clean the rest of you. On the end of the third day, you can wash your hair once again, and repeat the process. I've noticed after about 2 weeks there is a lot less of a production of oil, and you can once more wash your hair (every other day is best). If this comes back, just do it again. And there you have, non-greasy-at-the-end-of-the-day-hair!
Today was a long one, I had doctor appointment after doctor appointment, and yet another increase in medication. My insomnia is still present, and I still have medication for that. Just a joy. My collarbone and ankle were both a bit tender today. I still can't wear necklaces as they irritate my surgery scar, and I can't wear heels because my ankle is too weak. My time in modeling may be retired :o( It sucks because I love modeling, but I don't know if I'll be able to again, and if I am, it won't be for quite awhile. Instead, I hope to start doing more makeup for photoshoots, and special effects. My uncle belongs to a reenactment group and they need someone to make realistic special effects wounds in a corpse preparation video (not a real corpse, a living person, I would just have to make him look corpsey).
I can't believe it's already November. This has got to be the hands down worst year ever. Most of it has been recovering, and it's still not over. More doctors appointments, followups, and treatments, more physical therapy at home, because I still do not have full mobility of my shoulder. I hope that comes back...and that the pain goes away. It's so discouraging. I'm staying positive and busy. I have been working a lot more with polymer clay, but I need to find some new things to make. My dogs are good company lately. They cuddle on me a lot when I really need it. I hope that by the end of the year I can be doing something with my life. I'm so tired of waiting around for recovery. Will it ever happen?
How to train your hair: A solution to oily hair.
So, I thought I would share this wonderful information since it does work and has been helpful to me thus far. Training your hair does not mean training the part in your hair, it means training it to produce less oil. Not everyone has this problem, but I was one of the many who did. In order to train your hair, you will have to deal with some greasiness for about 2 weeks. Heres how:
Since your scalp produces oil, shampooing your hair will maintain that level of oil production. In order to lessen the production of oil on top of your noggin, you need to train it. How? Don't wash your hair, for about 3 days at a time. This will be uncomfortable at first, and just a gross yuck. It's better to do this when you have nothing going on that's too important to look nice for. This does not mean don't shower/bathe. You should still bathe, no one wants to be around a stinky person. Just don't wash your hair. Use a shower cap, and clean the rest of you. On the end of the third day, you can wash your hair once again, and repeat the process. I've noticed after about 2 weeks there is a lot less of a production of oil, and you can once more wash your hair (every other day is best). If this comes back, just do it again. And there you have, non-greasy-at-the-end-of-the-day-hair!
Today was a long one, I had doctor appointment after doctor appointment, and yet another increase in medication. My insomnia is still present, and I still have medication for that. Just a joy. My collarbone and ankle were both a bit tender today. I still can't wear necklaces as they irritate my surgery scar, and I can't wear heels because my ankle is too weak. My time in modeling may be retired :o( It sucks because I love modeling, but I don't know if I'll be able to again, and if I am, it won't be for quite awhile. Instead, I hope to start doing more makeup for photoshoots, and special effects. My uncle belongs to a reenactment group and they need someone to make realistic special effects wounds in a corpse preparation video (not a real corpse, a living person, I would just have to make him look corpsey).
I can't believe it's already November. This has got to be the hands down worst year ever. Most of it has been recovering, and it's still not over. More doctors appointments, followups, and treatments, more physical therapy at home, because I still do not have full mobility of my shoulder. I hope that comes back...and that the pain goes away. It's so discouraging. I'm staying positive and busy. I have been working a lot more with polymer clay, but I need to find some new things to make. My dogs are good company lately. They cuddle on me a lot when I really need it. I hope that by the end of the year I can be doing something with my life. I'm so tired of waiting around for recovery. Will it ever happen?
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Happy Halloween!!
Happy Halloween to one and all...the best part about Halloween? The candy, durrr lol
Tonight I had a yummy dinner with my parents, Thanksgiving style. Turkey, potatoes, green beans, stuffing, jello, and of course gravy. Yum yum yum yum, I also went to Michael's (the craft store) and got some polymer clay stuff, and I made some nifty things I can make keychains or whatever out of!
So Friday I went to a Halloween party and it was totally last minute but I ended up getting a lot of compliments on my costume. A dead doll...I just made my face super pale, made my eyes appear bigger, false lashes, and a stiched mouth. Creeped some people out haha PERFECT! Then I wore a striped top and a denim dress, knee socks, and black flats. Oh and a long black wig in pigtail braids. I ended up taking the wig off it got too hot and itchy. I might make a tutorial on the look, but maybe I'll wait til next year! I love costumes whether or not it's Halloween!
Today I also went to Home Depot with my mom to pick up paint for the house. I helped her for the theme of the rooms, or colors I should say, so tommorow I might start on that! Well Friday night after I got home I noticed a painful bump on the apple of my cheek. I figured it was just an unruly pimple so I cleaned it, put a spot treatment on it and went to bed. Next day...it's still there, no help whatsoever, I do the spot treatment again, no makeup all day. No change...but one on my other cheek as came and gone. SO today, I try the spot treatment again, no makeup, and I'm thinking...OK this is ridiculous. So I try to squeeze it...nothing (sorry kinda gross), after lots of squeezing it's even more painful and I get nothing but some puss...yellowish...gross. I'm like wtf. After a minute or so it feels like I got punched in the face, and 5 minutes my face where it is is swollen, not like zit swollen, like hurts to smile, obviously noticable swollen. So I'm pretty sure this is a spider bite, must have gotten bit Friday. It still hurts and I'm taking Benedryl to TRY to help. It's red now, kinda infected, so I'm going to have to keep an eye on it.
Speaking of infected...Jazmine, my dog, has an infected TICK bite. Yes, my mom and I pulled a tick off of her yesterday. HUGE thing, I have no idea how long it was there, and the poor thing has an obvious hole where the little sucker buried his head, and some redness around the area. So I put Neosporin on it and she is also taking Benedryl. What is it with these bugs, can't they just leave us alone? Maybe we're just too sweet hahaha
So my face hurts, and it's almost time for more Benedryl...and for me to harvest my Frontierville crops...I'm excited to paint the upstairs hallway tommorow! And eat candy...
Candy Chocolate Kisses
-Stephanie
Tonight I had a yummy dinner with my parents, Thanksgiving style. Turkey, potatoes, green beans, stuffing, jello, and of course gravy. Yum yum yum yum, I also went to Michael's (the craft store) and got some polymer clay stuff, and I made some nifty things I can make keychains or whatever out of!
So Friday I went to a Halloween party and it was totally last minute but I ended up getting a lot of compliments on my costume. A dead doll...I just made my face super pale, made my eyes appear bigger, false lashes, and a stiched mouth. Creeped some people out haha PERFECT! Then I wore a striped top and a denim dress, knee socks, and black flats. Oh and a long black wig in pigtail braids. I ended up taking the wig off it got too hot and itchy. I might make a tutorial on the look, but maybe I'll wait til next year! I love costumes whether or not it's Halloween!
Today I also went to Home Depot with my mom to pick up paint for the house. I helped her for the theme of the rooms, or colors I should say, so tommorow I might start on that! Well Friday night after I got home I noticed a painful bump on the apple of my cheek. I figured it was just an unruly pimple so I cleaned it, put a spot treatment on it and went to bed. Next day...it's still there, no help whatsoever, I do the spot treatment again, no makeup all day. No change...but one on my other cheek as came and gone. SO today, I try the spot treatment again, no makeup, and I'm thinking...OK this is ridiculous. So I try to squeeze it...nothing (sorry kinda gross), after lots of squeezing it's even more painful and I get nothing but some puss...yellowish...gross. I'm like wtf. After a minute or so it feels like I got punched in the face, and 5 minutes my face where it is is swollen, not like zit swollen, like hurts to smile, obviously noticable swollen. So I'm pretty sure this is a spider bite, must have gotten bit Friday. It still hurts and I'm taking Benedryl to TRY to help. It's red now, kinda infected, so I'm going to have to keep an eye on it.
Speaking of infected...Jazmine, my dog, has an infected TICK bite. Yes, my mom and I pulled a tick off of her yesterday. HUGE thing, I have no idea how long it was there, and the poor thing has an obvious hole where the little sucker buried his head, and some redness around the area. So I put Neosporin on it and she is also taking Benedryl. What is it with these bugs, can't they just leave us alone? Maybe we're just too sweet hahaha
So my face hurts, and it's almost time for more Benedryl...and for me to harvest my Frontierville crops...I'm excited to paint the upstairs hallway tommorow! And eat candy...
Candy Chocolate Kisses
-Stephanie
Friday, October 29, 2010
Changes
I hate relating everything back to the accident, but let's face it, something like that changes a person. Honestly. I'm not the same person I was before, and to be honest, I'm glad. Yes I loved who I was but I didn't always know who that person was. As crappy of an experience it is that I went through, am still going through, and will continue to face, I had a lot of time for self reflection. I'm ready for the next stage in my life, whatever, and where ever that may be.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
YouTubing from Scratch!
So I thought deleting blogspot for this random email would be easy peasy...uhm no, this email address was linked to my YOUTUBE account and the account is COMPLETELY DELETED!!!! I have to make a new account, get new followers, friends, UGH Sad face...In other news, Ambien isn't doing it's job...I didnt sleep a wink last night...so frusterated...
Monday, October 25, 2010
I cant...I just...UGH
There are like...a MILLION things on my mind right now...WHY is it, that I think the most at night!? This blog is going to be...SOOOO random.. but I guess...I'm a random person.
INSOMNIA - Some people think, "wow, an insomniac, that's so cool, so you don't sleep at all?" No, I do sleep, but when I do sleep it's usually the result of exhaustion or a sleep aide. Without a sleep aide I will stay awake ALL night, wide awake, nothing to do but to sit here, think and blog. "Stephanie you need a hobby"...How many hobbies do I need? Painting, Makeup, Clay, Youtube, Blogging, oh and we can't forget those wonderful Zynga games. Yes Zynga, I would like to thank you for making these games...there must be some of you who are insomniacs too. Maybe I should just start a Vlog...confessions of an insomniac? haha oh..this is making me sound so angry..I'm not, but I just wish, maybe just one night, that I would be able to sleep like a normal person. Yep that's my insomnia rant...
HATE - Ok..I hate the word "hate"...there are very few instances that I can use the word and have a true feeling behind it...I won't name examples because that is just...not right. What I GREATLY DISLIKE is people who spread their hate around, like this parasitic disease, this monster that they unleash on the world. Some people just absolutely REFUSE to keep their hate to themselves. In my opinion there is NO reason for it at all! They fail to have the ability of an open mind, and a positive spirit...WHY do these people do this?
LIFE - I'm not sure how to even begin or end this...this could be long, this could be short, because I have to choose my words carefully...OK, I decided this is going to be long, but it's my thoughts that I'm typing, so it might not make sense, but I'll try the best that I can, because I type (or write) how I talk...soooo just bear that in mind. I used the topic "life" because there are real no specifics of this that I can think "oh yea, that's what this is about". Let's see...how to start...I am beginning to see that not everyone lives in a real world...what I mean is...a lot of people, that I have observed, have a false/warped/off-kilter sense of reality. I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, but life isn't always going to be sunshine and rainbows, not everything is going to be walking on easy street. People have to make sacrifices if they want to do something, follow a dream, etc. Making sacrifices isn't necessarily a bad thing. Take school, as an example, is college easy? Nope it sure isn't. You have to make sacrifices such as studying, expenses, papers, to finish it, but when you do, you feel accomplished and you are one step closer to your goals...this is just an example, but it can be applied to just about everything. When you decide what your goals are and what you want to do, stand firm, be certain, and go for it with everything you have. It might be uncomfortable, it might be downright a pain in your rear, but when you finish, you will look back and be proud, because you made those sacrifices to be where you are, and no one can take that away.
Here's some quotes to get you motivated....and to better explain what I'm saying!!
"The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want."
"Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets."
"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets...So love the people who treat you right, and forget the ones that don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it"
The last quote is a favorite of mine...it's everything that I believe...and, well...everything I'm trying to say!
That's all I have, I poured out my heart, my soul, and now I need to let my mind rest. Enjoy every day, and please please don't forget to cherish every moment.
Much love from a tired, but very wide-awake pirate-captain-girl-puppy mom
I'll stop rambling...Goodnight
INSOMNIA - Some people think, "wow, an insomniac, that's so cool, so you don't sleep at all?" No, I do sleep, but when I do sleep it's usually the result of exhaustion or a sleep aide. Without a sleep aide I will stay awake ALL night, wide awake, nothing to do but to sit here, think and blog. "Stephanie you need a hobby"...How many hobbies do I need? Painting, Makeup, Clay, Youtube, Blogging, oh and we can't forget those wonderful Zynga games. Yes Zynga, I would like to thank you for making these games...there must be some of you who are insomniacs too. Maybe I should just start a Vlog...confessions of an insomniac? haha oh..this is making me sound so angry..I'm not, but I just wish, maybe just one night, that I would be able to sleep like a normal person. Yep that's my insomnia rant...
HATE - Ok..I hate the word "hate"...there are very few instances that I can use the word and have a true feeling behind it...I won't name examples because that is just...not right. What I GREATLY DISLIKE is people who spread their hate around, like this parasitic disease, this monster that they unleash on the world. Some people just absolutely REFUSE to keep their hate to themselves. In my opinion there is NO reason for it at all! They fail to have the ability of an open mind, and a positive spirit...WHY do these people do this?
LIFE - I'm not sure how to even begin or end this...this could be long, this could be short, because I have to choose my words carefully...OK, I decided this is going to be long, but it's my thoughts that I'm typing, so it might not make sense, but I'll try the best that I can, because I type (or write) how I talk...soooo just bear that in mind. I used the topic "life" because there are real no specifics of this that I can think "oh yea, that's what this is about". Let's see...how to start...I am beginning to see that not everyone lives in a real world...what I mean is...a lot of people, that I have observed, have a false/warped/off-kilter sense of reality. I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, but life isn't always going to be sunshine and rainbows, not everything is going to be walking on easy street. People have to make sacrifices if they want to do something, follow a dream, etc. Making sacrifices isn't necessarily a bad thing. Take school, as an example, is college easy? Nope it sure isn't. You have to make sacrifices such as studying, expenses, papers, to finish it, but when you do, you feel accomplished and you are one step closer to your goals...this is just an example, but it can be applied to just about everything. When you decide what your goals are and what you want to do, stand firm, be certain, and go for it with everything you have. It might be uncomfortable, it might be downright a pain in your rear, but when you finish, you will look back and be proud, because you made those sacrifices to be where you are, and no one can take that away.
Here's some quotes to get you motivated....and to better explain what I'm saying!!
"The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want."
"Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets."
"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets...So love the people who treat you right, and forget the ones that don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it"
The last quote is a favorite of mine...it's everything that I believe...and, well...everything I'm trying to say!
That's all I have, I poured out my heart, my soul, and now I need to let my mind rest. Enjoy every day, and please please don't forget to cherish every moment.
Much love from a tired, but very wide-awake pirate-captain-girl-puppy mom
I'll stop rambling...Goodnight
Sunday, October 17, 2010
A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes....
It was quite the eventful weekend...well for me..lately lol Let's see I haven't posted in a few days, so I'll just re cap... UHH
Ok Friday I hung out at home, went to dinner with my parents..at Carlos O' Kelly's and had some awesome fried ice cream (YUM)...painted on my houses a little..finished one of them..watched youtube videos..normal stuff
Saturday, my mom and I got our hair cut, the regular 6 week trim. I had her take an inch off, but I think it's just the length it was before..OH well, next time maybe (I was wanting it a little shorter), and she trimmed up my bangs! Yes, now I have straight across bangs, but since my hair is so thin it's kinda piecey, a cute look, I'm loving it. Then my mom and I went to the fabric store and Starbucks! THEN I went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter who was turning 2...SOOOO cute, so many cute clothes, and they had cupcakes!! It was good to see her and another friend there I hadn't seen in MONTHS. Got home, then went to dinner at Chillis this time, took Benedryl because my allergies were really bad and my breathing was starting to be off, so I crashed fairly early...OH and I carved pumpkins with a hot knife (not real pumpkins, foam ones) I added pictures to the top because I couldnt figure out how to put them after this..uughhhh
Alright so TODAY (Sunday) I wake up to my dogs barking loudly and out of control and I'm thinking what the french toast is going on!? So I go downstairs and my mom is outside with this random dog. So I go outside and apparently this poor dog was just hanging out in the middle of the road just looking around and chillin like a villian. He must have had quite the adventure because he was matted with mud, and burrs, and it looked pretty recent. So my mom walks up and down the street trying to find out if anyone knows who owns this dog. It had its rabies tag but the animal shelter was closed. Luckily a neighbor is a dispatcher and she called someone who could find out...so that guy calls the people and leaves a message. Got it so far? Lost dog, can't find the owner's house, called animal shelter, contacted owner. So the dog comes back to our house and we decide...this thing is too dirty and we give it a bath outside with the hose and the dog shampoo we had. He didn't like the bath, but he got nice and clean and towel dried off, a spa day for the pup. So after the bath my mom walks over to the golf course and asks if anyone knows who owns the dog, they say "oh yea that's Putter" (lives on a golf course, dog's name is Putter, cute!) So the owner is out of town but the guy who lives with the owner is there, he comes and picks up the dog, and it turns out to be the golf pro that taught my brother and I golf years and years ago! So Putter is back home, clean, and happy. What a day for him!
And what a day for me indeed, I did some walking with Putter and my ankle and hip hurts...I feel old haha. Anyway I also wanted to say I'm feeling a lot more optimistic lately, things seem within reach. Before they didn't at all...So it's a happy day, my dog son is laying next to me snoozing, he's so furry and warm. Think positive thoughts everyone! And remember...
No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, a dream that you wish, will come true!!
Doggie Dreams & Loves
XOXO
Friday, October 15, 2010
Optimism? Or something like that....
There is so much darkness and wrong in the world that it is literally heart/gut/mind wrenching! The amount of negative people out there is ridiculous. Negative attitudes, negative thoughts...and I'm not just talking about negative towards themselves OHHH NOOO, they are negative towards others too. Others who despite all the negativity coming at them from all different directions, they see the broader picture, and stay positive through it all. That's who I am, and I don't want to surround myself with negative people. Some of you are the worst kinds of negative because you yourself is a positive person but you bring others to a negative state of mind with your insults, and comments behind their back. Since when are we still in middle school. Grow up people, take the world in, take your life in, and enjoy it, embrace the people who care about you, and forget about the people who dont.
Loves & Reeses
Loves & Reeses
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Dog Personals
Ok, so be being the dork/crazy person that I am, I came up with personals for my dogs (ya know in case they ever need to be set up on a date *rolls eyes* lol) Hey everyone has their way of passing the time, and while I was painting my little houses, I thought of what they would say...Here it goes, my dogs' personal ads (from their point of view).
Jazmine - Hi I'm Jazmine Isabella!
Nicknames - Jazi, Jazi girl, Biscuity girl, Big woman, Medium brown, J-Girl, Princess Jazmine, Squeaker, Baby girl
I like to bark at things that move outside, they don't have to be a living being, just anything that moves. Grass, squirrels, people, leaves, poop, you get the idea. My mommy tells me that I'm a beautiful princess so that means that I am! I like to cuddle with my grandpa and keep his feet warm at night. I whimper a lot, my mommy says it sounds like a tea kettle. I whimper for no reason sometimes, sometimes it's because I want attention, or sometimes I have to go potty. I pee on my mommy's clothes when I'm mad at her, then I feel really bad about it and try to hide under the bed but I can only fit my nose under there. Mommy says I'm a big girl, but I think I'm a puppy. Mommy brought me into this world from some warm place along with 7 other puppies. Mommy has been there with me since day 1 and I didn't even have my eyes open. When the milk machine ran away, my mommy fed me and my other womb mates with a bottle. Mommy brought me home when I could eat puppy food, and then I met my brother, Jager. He was and still is very protective of me, even though I'm bigger than him now. I like to play with tennis balls and I can fit 2 in my mouth at one time. Grandma plays tennis with me a lot. I like to clean dirty dishes in the dish washer. I like to bark.
Jager - Hi I'm Jager Meister
Nicknames - Woofuns, J-Boy, Sir Dogguns of Wagginstail, Bitsy boy, Mr Barker, Woofy boy, Buddy boy, Bubba
I like to snuggle with mommy, grandma, grandpa, and uncle Stevie. I chew on my sister sometimes, but mostly I snooze. Lately I haven't left mommy's side much. Mommy rescued me from being a shop dog when I was only 5 weeks old. When I met Mommy, I was drinking water out of a hubcap and eating Subway scraps. I have allergies and have to get shots every month or so, I get special cheese a lot to make me not itchy, but boy it does make me sleepy. I like to sit at the table with everyone else while they eat. I like to give kisses too. I like to poop in tall grass so no one can watch me poop. I usually pee where my sister pees, I have to mark my territory. I am good at guarding the house, and I'm very protective of my family. Mommy tells me that I'm a handsome boy. I'm very proud of my collar and I don't like to go without it. I also like to wear hankerchiefs, they make me look handsome. My sister barks a lot and sometimes I check it out, but usually I just let her bark. Sometimes I wake up Grandpa at night when Jazi has to potty because she doesn't make a loud enough squeak for them to hear. I don't like baths. I like to cuddle...a lot.
Jazmine - Hi I'm Jazmine Isabella!
Nicknames - Jazi, Jazi girl, Biscuity girl, Big woman, Medium brown, J-Girl, Princess Jazmine, Squeaker, Baby girl
I like to bark at things that move outside, they don't have to be a living being, just anything that moves. Grass, squirrels, people, leaves, poop, you get the idea. My mommy tells me that I'm a beautiful princess so that means that I am! I like to cuddle with my grandpa and keep his feet warm at night. I whimper a lot, my mommy says it sounds like a tea kettle. I whimper for no reason sometimes, sometimes it's because I want attention, or sometimes I have to go potty. I pee on my mommy's clothes when I'm mad at her, then I feel really bad about it and try to hide under the bed but I can only fit my nose under there. Mommy says I'm a big girl, but I think I'm a puppy. Mommy brought me into this world from some warm place along with 7 other puppies. Mommy has been there with me since day 1 and I didn't even have my eyes open. When the milk machine ran away, my mommy fed me and my other womb mates with a bottle. Mommy brought me home when I could eat puppy food, and then I met my brother, Jager. He was and still is very protective of me, even though I'm bigger than him now. I like to play with tennis balls and I can fit 2 in my mouth at one time. Grandma plays tennis with me a lot. I like to clean dirty dishes in the dish washer. I like to bark.
Jager - Hi I'm Jager Meister
Nicknames - Woofuns, J-Boy, Sir Dogguns of Wagginstail, Bitsy boy, Mr Barker, Woofy boy, Buddy boy, Bubba
I like to snuggle with mommy, grandma, grandpa, and uncle Stevie. I chew on my sister sometimes, but mostly I snooze. Lately I haven't left mommy's side much. Mommy rescued me from being a shop dog when I was only 5 weeks old. When I met Mommy, I was drinking water out of a hubcap and eating Subway scraps. I have allergies and have to get shots every month or so, I get special cheese a lot to make me not itchy, but boy it does make me sleepy. I like to sit at the table with everyone else while they eat. I like to give kisses too. I like to poop in tall grass so no one can watch me poop. I usually pee where my sister pees, I have to mark my territory. I am good at guarding the house, and I'm very protective of my family. Mommy tells me that I'm a handsome boy. I'm very proud of my collar and I don't like to go without it. I also like to wear hankerchiefs, they make me look handsome. My sister barks a lot and sometimes I check it out, but usually I just let her bark. Sometimes I wake up Grandpa at night when Jazi has to potty because she doesn't make a loud enough squeak for them to hear. I don't like baths. I like to cuddle...a lot.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
A Pirate's Life For Me...
I started this blog a week or two ago, and it took me until now to write in it. Truth is, I don't like to talk about my personal business, but I think this will help me through everything I'm going through, have been through, and will face. A therapy, if you will...I'm seeking counsel in blogging.
I'm not going to go into the background of everything, because to me that's boring, I'm not trying to bore myself, I don't even know if anyone even will read this...and quite frankly, I don't care if anyone does, because I'm doing this for me, to get things out. I just need to put things out there instead of constantly holding them in, acting like everything is hunky dorey, when in reality it isn't.
I guess the first and most dire of my problems is depression. Since the accident, I have sunken into a deeper and deeper depression. Yes, I am on medication for it, and we (my doctor and I) are still trying to find the right dosage for that. Positive is what I am used to, but lately it seems so hard to be. But today, for the first time in a long time, I had a lovely reunion with my old pal, Motivation. As corny as that sounds it was a huge relief to finally have that feeling again of actually wanting to do something. I painted, today and yesterday, my Christmas village, it's been put off for a long time for one reason or another. Something I can look at for years to come and say "hey, I did that".
Another problem, that might be more obvious to people is my weight. Since the accident I have lost exactly 15 pounds. I was thin to begin with. I did not do this intentionally, although there will always be those people that try to come up with their own stories. With all the pain medications, depression medication, muscle relaxers, etc, etc, I have had zero appetite, and all in all, I've lost a lot of weight. I still don't have an appetite, I eat about one meal a day (usually dinner), and snack throughout the day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not starving myself, I DO snack, apples, pretzels, cereal, I just have to push myself to do so because I don't have the sensation of hunger at all. I've maintained my weight for awhile now, so I wont be losing anymore, but likely staying the same weight (unless I get some horrible flu, which would just be awful on top of the rest of the crap this year has handed me).
My dogs are my best friends, and my parents. I can't thank them enough for how much they've helped me through everything (my brother too). While every time I asked for help I felt like such a burden on them, they reassured me that I was not.
Things are getting better (I hope) I am considered an insomniac now, and we (again my doctor and I) are trying to find help for that as well. Since it's seemingly not related to my depression but rather a result of the trauma, it is harder to manage, but not impossible. Everything will get better with time. That's what I tell myself anyway. Well I'm off for today, my dog daughter is cuddling my leg, and it's incredibly hard to resist cuddling her back.
Lots of love, and doggie hugs - Stephanie (the pirate)
P.S. Why am I Stephanie the pirate? I myself am not a pirate (or am I? hahaha), my ancestors on the other hand were. Not all of them, but some :o)) I am also OBSESSED with pirates. I love them. If there is a movie with pirates, I don't care if they are good guys or bad guys, I will always root for the pirates!
I'm not going to go into the background of everything, because to me that's boring, I'm not trying to bore myself, I don't even know if anyone even will read this...and quite frankly, I don't care if anyone does, because I'm doing this for me, to get things out. I just need to put things out there instead of constantly holding them in, acting like everything is hunky dorey, when in reality it isn't.
I guess the first and most dire of my problems is depression. Since the accident, I have sunken into a deeper and deeper depression. Yes, I am on medication for it, and we (my doctor and I) are still trying to find the right dosage for that. Positive is what I am used to, but lately it seems so hard to be. But today, for the first time in a long time, I had a lovely reunion with my old pal, Motivation. As corny as that sounds it was a huge relief to finally have that feeling again of actually wanting to do something. I painted, today and yesterday, my Christmas village, it's been put off for a long time for one reason or another. Something I can look at for years to come and say "hey, I did that".
Another problem, that might be more obvious to people is my weight. Since the accident I have lost exactly 15 pounds. I was thin to begin with. I did not do this intentionally, although there will always be those people that try to come up with their own stories. With all the pain medications, depression medication, muscle relaxers, etc, etc, I have had zero appetite, and all in all, I've lost a lot of weight. I still don't have an appetite, I eat about one meal a day (usually dinner), and snack throughout the day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not starving myself, I DO snack, apples, pretzels, cereal, I just have to push myself to do so because I don't have the sensation of hunger at all. I've maintained my weight for awhile now, so I wont be losing anymore, but likely staying the same weight (unless I get some horrible flu, which would just be awful on top of the rest of the crap this year has handed me).
My dogs are my best friends, and my parents. I can't thank them enough for how much they've helped me through everything (my brother too). While every time I asked for help I felt like such a burden on them, they reassured me that I was not.
Things are getting better (I hope) I am considered an insomniac now, and we (again my doctor and I) are trying to find help for that as well. Since it's seemingly not related to my depression but rather a result of the trauma, it is harder to manage, but not impossible. Everything will get better with time. That's what I tell myself anyway. Well I'm off for today, my dog daughter is cuddling my leg, and it's incredibly hard to resist cuddling her back.
Lots of love, and doggie hugs - Stephanie (the pirate)
P.S. Why am I Stephanie the pirate? I myself am not a pirate (or am I? hahaha), my ancestors on the other hand were. Not all of them, but some :o)) I am also OBSESSED with pirates. I love them. If there is a movie with pirates, I don't care if they are good guys or bad guys, I will always root for the pirates!
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